After some further testing on my own, I've discovered something odd. Sometimes the game will run fine and not crash at all. Specifically, it seems if the local time is anything AM it crashes on startup as described in the first post. However, if I manually set the phone's time to anything PM it will run fine. Likewise, if it's anything PM it'll run fine but if I manually set it to AM it crashes. If I set the phone to 24 hour time it still crashes if it's anything that would be AM. Anyone know if the way the operating system handles time changed at all from Android 6 to Android 7? Cause this is a reliable thing I've tested at four or five different times of the day, if the phone is set to anything AM it crashes and if it's anything PM it doesn't, seemingly regardless of what the time actually is.
If nothing else I suppose it's a workaround - if anyone else is experiencing similar crashes after updating, try that I guess.