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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the (Obsidian) Forum


Amentep

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disclaimer - strong language

 

Edited by Chilloutman

I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiene"

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"Can anyone finish learning English? No, we are all linguistic sovereigns. You have mastered it when you start altering it to suit yourself."
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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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An Irish cop sees a car driving erratically and stops it, he approaches the car as the driver rolls down the window. Looking inside, he sees an uncorked bottle of whiskey in the drivers lap a six-pack of beer on the floor and bottle of vodka on the passenger seat. The smell of alcohol was overpowering, as he addressed the Driver.

 

Cop : Sir, have you been drinking?

 

Driver : Certainly officer.

 

Cop : Would care to estimate how much alcohol you have consumed?

 

Driver : Well, I was at the office party and we had dinner, I reckon I drank a bottle of red wine, 2 brandies and a Cointreau. After the dinner I had a few gin and tonics. Then we had a raffle and I won a bottle of scotch, so I split that with my friend while we watched the show. Then when it was over we had a few tequila shots. When I left, I drove to the off licence and got a bottle of Bacardi for my girlfriend, but I just drank that, I think she's gonna kill me when I get home, so I took a few mouthfuls of this bottle of whiskey here, to calm down, then you stopped me.

 

Cop : Sir, would you mind blowing into this Breathalyser for me please?

 

Driver : Why? Do you not believe me?

Edited by Fiach
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Thanks for shopping Pawn-O-Matic!

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I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiene"

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