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The Funny Things Thread


Rosbjerg

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Some of the Amazon reviews for the Surge revival on Amazon are just too f***ing great:

 

 

 

My wife told me that she would leave me if I spent our retirement fund on Surge. Silly wife, how else did you think I was going to fit 3 pallets of Surge in our bedroom?!

 

 

 

My brother has been in a coma for 12 years. I whispered into his ear that they were bringing Surge back and he shot straight up, did a backflip out of bed and roundhouse kicked a nurse.

The miracle is real. SUUUUUUURRRRRGGGGGEEEEE!

 

 

 

As I clicked place order, I looked down at my Mtn Dew with disgust and shame. I think she knows shes been replaced.
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“Political philosophers have often pointed out that in wartime, the citizen, the male citizen at least, loses one of his most basic rights, his right to life; and this has been true ever since the French Revolution and the invention of conscription, now an almost universally accepted principle. But these same philosophers have rarely noted that the citizen in question simultaneously loses another right, one just as basic and perhaps even more vital for his conception of himself as a civilized human being: the right not to kill.”
 
-Jonathan Littell <<Les Bienveillantes>>
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"The chancellor, the late chancellor, was only partly correct. He was obsolete. But so is the State, the entity he worshipped. Any state, entity, or ideology becomes obsolete when it stockpiles the wrong weapons: when it captures territories, but not minds; when it enslaves millions, but convinces nobody. When it is naked, yet puts on armor and calls it faith, while in the Eyes of God it has no faith at all. Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of Man...that state is obsolete."

-Rod Serling

 

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http://www.torontolife.com/informer/columns/2014/10/20/urban-diplomat-barista-nazi/

 

 

Dear Urban Diplomat: my barista’s first name offends me—what can I do about her?

 

Dear Urban Diplomat: my barista's a real Nazi—what can I do about her?

 

(Image: Mr. TinDC/Flickr)

Dear Urban Diplomat,

A barista at my local Starbucks, near Yonge and Bloor, is a Persian woman named Nazi, and she wears a name tag. My parents died in the Holocaust, and I don’t need to revisit the memory every morning. Would it be reasonable to complain?

 

—Latte With Two Sugars and Some Emotional Trauma, Yorkville

 

It would be staggeringly unreasonable. Nazi is not playing some sadistic, 1940s-themed prank on you. Her name means “cute” in Farsi, and the pronunciation rhymes with “gauzy.” She simply wants to serve you your pumpkin-spiced concoction with a minimum of grief. She must face enough name-based difficulty without you complaining to her boss. So don’t. The good news for you is that Toronto harbours an utterly excessive 160 ­Starbuckses, 12 of them within a four-block radius of your local. If you’ve decided averting your eyes whilst ordering isn’t a viable solution, take your business to another Starbucks outpost. Better yet: try Crema Coffee at Yonge and Bloor, which is considerably better.

I am not sure if this for real, certainly is possible though

Why has elegance found so little following? Elegance has the disadvantage that hard work is needed to achieve it and a good education to appreciate it. - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra

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Ron Perlman on working with Sean Connery (and he tells the story in a Sean Connery accent)

 

"Sean leans in to me and says, 'You have to spit in my eye because if you don't, I won't have anything to play.' And that's how I came up with the **** balls to **** spit in 007's eye. And you really, really gotta do it, cuz the only thing more terrifying than spitting the m****f****'s eye, is 'Take Two' of spitting in the m***f****'s eye!"

"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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