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Short Story - Silence w/ Flying Through The Air


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Hi everyone. I just saw the new Resident Evil movie and searched for the song playing at the start of the submarine scene. After listening to it several times, I wrote something based on my own P&P storyline, trying to make the story and the song fit together.

 

So, instructions:

1) Open this in a new tab: https://www.youtube....fAHFyK33boxW0mQ

2) Press play and read!

 

That's all! Please tell me what you think of this, as I strive to become better in writing fantasy stuff (probably never gonna happen).

 

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Silence. Too much time spent in solitude made him welcome the absence of sounds, pathetic reminders of life and its joys.

 

Meditating alone, he could feel the wet floor against his feet, the damp walls dripping with tiny drops of water and blood, the bones of the dead under the stone, the joy and sick anticipation of the bloodthirsty crowd above the ceiling. He couldn't hear them but he could feel them. And that annoyed him even more.

 

He slowly got up and grabbed his spear. The weapon briefly shined, slightly illuminating the dark room and revealing his face. Scars and white hair don't agree with you, she had once said. Now she was dead. And a part of him had died with her.

 

It was time to extract his revenge. The hour had finally arrived for them to pay in blood.

 

He exited the room and walked past the monstrous guards. They watched him with their blood red eyes, afraid to talk or touch him. They knew that he was there on his own will. They knew he was not to be bothered.

 

He started climbing the stairs, holding nothing but his spear, wearing nothing but a ragged pair of pants.

 

The crowd had started cheering again. Mindless sheep that had come to watch men die. Their primitive needs would be sated that day. More than they could possibly imagine.

 

The guards opened the gate. The Arena unfolded once more in front of his grey eyes. The sand. The spiked walls. The oblivious crowd. The dark sky. And, the sons of bitches who killed her.

 

He walked steadily towards the center. His enemy this time was unimportant. He would fall in one strike. Their guards were powerless compared to him. And as for his targets... Their arrogance armed his hand and strengthened his resolve. Their blood would sate his thirst for revenge. Nothing less.

 

Running, no longer in silence. Today the silence would be broken. Today he would welcome the only sound of life he anticipated eagerly: the sound of life drifting away in pain and anguish.

 

He impaled his enemy, breaking through his shield and armor. No stopping. No hesitation. He had to make the jump. Guards surrounded him. Not enough to stop him. Dodging their blows, he was now closer than ever. His spear started shining brighter and brighter. It wanted justice. It craved for revenge as well.

 

His anger allowed him to make the jump. Flying through the air, he saw them in front of him. Terrified, paralyzed, unable to act. Just like her years ago.

 

No more silence.

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What a great idea for writing a short story ... like writing a story/interpretation of a picture, only using music instead. Creative.

 

I think you capture the drama the music brings to my mind, so I like it. Only nitpick might be that sometimes the sentences are a little bit too staccato in rhythm occasionally (vs. "flowing"), but that's just a stylistic preference.

 

Thanks for sharing!

“Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts
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The writing style seems a little too direct, you should work on establishing a better rhythm and tone.

Other than that, its successful at painting a picture without being explicit(kudos for that BTW). But I kind of got lost at the middle when it became "faster", it often happens to me when action is present on a passive medium.

I'd say the answer to that question is kind of like the answer to "who's the sucker in this poker game?"*

 

*If you can't tell, it's you. ;)

village_idiot.gif

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Many thanks! I'm definitely not in a stage where I can write "well". I find it much easier to express my ideas through music and pictures rather than words... But your suggestions are very important to me, thanks again!

The important thing is to keep at it and have an objective view of what you do and what is yours.

I'd say the answer to that question is kind of like the answer to "who's the sucker in this poker game?"*

 

*If you can't tell, it's you. ;)

village_idiot.gif

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