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Funniest Amazon reviews


Walsingham

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news...ew-threads.html

 

Seriously worth checking out. Very very funny.

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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I rather like one of the reviews for Uranium ore:

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

 

That said, some of the best reviews are the "one-star" ratings on books. If you have a favourite book, look for the one-star review on Amazon. I can guarantee there'll be at least one gem there. Take this one of Evelyn Waugh's The Loved One:

 

I didn't like The Loved One at all. The reason why I didn't like it was because I didn't like the plot, the theme, or the characters. To show why I didn't like it, I'm going to compare it with a book that was really good and that I liked that is called The White Mountains. The plot of The White Mountains had action, excitement, and adventure. The story is about teenagers that traveled through Europe in search of a colony that would help the fight against aliens that had invaded earth. The plot of The Loved One is that Dennis Barlow falls in love with Aimee Thanatogenos, who is already in love with Mr. Joyboy. But then she falls in love with Dennis. At the end, she can't decide who she loves more, Dennis or Mr. Joyboy, so she kills herself. To me the theme of The Love One just seemed to be just dumb. The theme of The White Mountains is that teenagers can be responsible, and we could be the future leaders and the fate of the world could lay in our hands. Now,the theme of The Loved One is that adults can be silly and that they are only thinking about themselves and doing nothing to help our society. Last, the characters in The Loved One never seemed to be real. The characters in The White Mountains showed how strong they were by going across Europe to find the colony while the aliens were trying to kill them. The characters in The Loved One just fought over a woman who they both loved. But Aimee couldn't choose between Dennis and Mr. Joyboy, so she killed herslef. These were just some of the resons why I didn't like the book, The Loved One.

 

There are others of the same book complaining it has too many adjectives. Gotta love Amazon.

This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter.

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These ones made the cut:

"Worked fine with my right hand, but when I came to use my left hand my writing came out looking like the work of a complete imbecile. I can only assume Bic have created a right-handed only pen, and would caution left-handers to 'try before you buy'."
I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter. But not this baby, no way.

:aiee:

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These ones made the cut:
"Worked fine with my right hand, but when I came to use my left hand my writing came out looking like the work of a complete imbecile. I can only assume Bic have created a right-handed only pen, and would caution left-handers to 'try before you buy'."
I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter. But not this baby, no way.

:)

 

Nothing short of hi-larious! :aiee::ermm:

The future has not been written...

There is no fate but what we make for ourselves...

I wish that I could believe that...

I should feel safe, but I don't...

 

...So I live off the grid-- No phone, no address... No one and nothing can find me...

I've erased all connections to the past...

But as hard as I try, I can't erase my dreams... my nightmares...

I feel the weight of the future bearing down on me... a future I don't want...

So I keep running as fast as I can...

Anywhere... Nowhere...

.

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From that page:

 

I know. I was once a skeptic too. I mean - a whole chicken? In a can!? But then, there was that day when I needed chicken and the only way to get it was mail order. Imagine my surprise when, at the first CRUNK of my can opener slicing into the thick steel lid, a fountain of light shot out, filling the room with vibrant pixie-like sparkles! Before I was able to become afraid, the sparkles assembled themselves into the form of a quaint country girl (SUE!) who thanked me and announced that I would be given the gift of faster-than-light travel and the ability to morph into a cat! At first I didn't believe she was telling me the truth, but then I lept on top of the bookshelf! And this happened with every can! Now I have SIX super powers and the chicken was AWESOME! We made quesadillas and they were great!
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