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Zero Punctuation - Yahtzee reviews

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It's not like there's a surplus of negative game reviews going around, you know. Pretty much every game that's made with a bare modicum of competence, and has a good and hefty marketing campaign behind it, is destined for widespread critical acclaim on release. Bethesda's current reputation, for example, was mostly built due to Microsoft relentlessly pushing Morrowind as the first great RPG on the XBox.

 

Also, as negative as Yahtzee's reviews may be, the fact is that he still makes reasoned and meaningful criticisms of the games he plays, that almost never come up in the general "this game is so awesome and brilliant I can only qualify it in generic terms" reviews.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm still waiting for Pop to respond to Pixies request that they get naked together. It's for his sake, Pop!


"My hovercraft is full of eels!" - Hungarian tourist
I am Dan Quayle of the Romans.
I want to tattoo a map of the Netherlands on my nether lands.
Heja Sverige!!
Everyone should cuffawkle more.
The wrench is your friend. :bat:

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Also, as negative as Yahtzee's reviews may be, the fact is that he still makes reasoned and meaningful criticisms of the games he plays, that almost never come up in the general "this game is so awesome and brilliant I can only qualify it in generic terms" reviews.

 

I find he makes many more hyperbolies than "reasoned and meaningful criticisims." When I first started watching I paid attention to his opinions on the games he reviewed -- until I actually played some of them. Now I only watch for the jokes.

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I'm still waiting for Pop to respond to Pixies request that they get naked together. It's for his sake, Pop!

 

Nice catch! Your Spellmar kung fu is why they made you a mod, you know.

 

Uh, and count me in the pro-Yahtzee camp. But only if said camp will be toasting up some s'mores later.


baby, take off your beret

everyone's a critic and most people are DJs

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Now I want to play Painkiller.

 

And the review has King Missile in it!


"My hovercraft is full of eels!" - Hungarian tourist
I am Dan Quayle of the Romans.
I want to tattoo a map of the Netherlands on my nether lands.
Heja Sverige!!
Everyone should cuffawkle more.
The wrench is your friend. :bat:

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Ah, Painkiller was really fun in a homicidial way. Especially the Painkiller itself, i spent hours of fun with that one, trying to figure out different ways the enemies bodyparts would fly off. The end level was EPIC. I definately don't remember the story though.


"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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That shall forever be between you and your conscience.


I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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Painkiller was awesome if you like games where you kill hundreds er thousands no millions everybody in the game other than yourself with all the subtlety of a nuclear locomotive.

 

Its pretty sweet in that special way.


Notice how I can belittle your beliefs without calling you names. It's a useful skill to have particularly where you aren't allowed to call people names. It's a mistake to get too drawn in/worked up. I mean it's not life or death, it's just two guys posting their thoughts on a message board. If it were personal or face to face all the usual restraints would be in place, and we would never have reached this place in the first place. Try to remember that.

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haha shurikens and lightning!


when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!

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He's usually entertaining but his tastes are so different to mine, he's not really of much use to me as a reviewer.


"An electric puddle is not what I need right now." (Nina Kalenkov)

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Exactly. While I find some of Yahtzee's reviews humorous, I have to say that the majority of the games he reviews would not be titles that I would ever think of buying - or, rather, I have no use for console games while I only own PCs. Also, as the moderator before me mentioned, his tastes are generally different then my own - so much so that I might actually like a game that he loathed. Mass Effect is an excellent example of this and while, due to the copy protection, I might not be purchasing that title for some time it certainly looked like the king of game that I would have enjoyed if it did not ship with the aforementioned defect. However, I would still like him to review some of my favorite games (id est S.T.A.L.K.E.R. and Bloodlines) just to see the resulting video(s). :yucky:


"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
-H. H. Munro

 

"Geez. It's like we lost some sort of bet and ended up saddled with a bunch of terrible new posters on this forum."

-Hurlshot

 

 

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He's usually entertaining but his tastes are so different to mine, he's not really of much use to me as a reviewer.

 

Nice informing little fact for you, reviewers are all a waste of space.


RS_Silvestri_01.jpg

 

"I'm a programmer at a games company... REET GOOD!" - Me

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I never managed to beat the end-boss in Painkiller :lol:


“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice.” - Albert Einstein

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It's not fun when he's not hating it or loving it. I have never heard of the game either.


"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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I just managed to complete 5 Days a Stranger and it was delightful.

 

On to 7 Days a Sceptic now!


I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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I'm saying that all of his reviews are negative, and that's his gimmick, and so he will always do that. I'm saying that even if a game is good and he has to review it, he will reveiw it negatively because it's what gets him views, and it's easy to make jokes when you're making fun of something that's bad. I'm mean, you can say they are honest reviews, and that he "reviews games without regard for their pretensions" but I just disagree. He will get things right on, but other times I think he's just saying something negative to get more lame jokes in.

I mostly agree.

 

Croshaw's shtick depends upon contempt. It's a style that relies on ridicule, audience insults & puerile humor, and his frenetic delivery is trying too hard. Speed satire has been done before (and better) by commentators like Charlie Brooker and Ze Frank, and Croshaw's editorials sometimes feel excessively derivative.

 

Still, he's mastered a niche. His fame might not last for more than 15 minutes of broadband time, but for now thousands of gamers enjoy his cartoons -- which are at least zany if not thoughtful or funny.

 

And he's not entirely pessimistic. On occasion he shares an enthusiasm that tells why he (and I) should persist with gaming:

 

Portal review

@ 3:53 -- "Absolutely sublime from start to finish and I will jam forks into my eyes if I ever use those words to describe anything else ever again."

 

Psychonauts review

 

 

note: fixed url

Edited by blue

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Yahtzee takes a stab at Oblivion.

 

This is his first review I actually didn't like. It was shallow, not particularly funny, and failed to address most of Oblivion's problems.


"My hovercraft is full of eels!" - Hungarian tourist
I am Dan Quayle of the Romans.
I want to tattoo a map of the Netherlands on my nether lands.
Heja Sverige!!
Everyone should cuffawkle more.
The wrench is your friend. :bat:

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i agree wholeheartedly with what he said about the dialogue

 

far too few voice actors


when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!

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...and failed to address most of Oblivion's problems.

He only have five minutes.

He only need to say two words:

 

Todd Howard.


Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer.

 

@\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?"

Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy."

Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand"

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The A.I., voiceacting, size and dialogue were one of the lesser worries with Oblivion, since the damn gameplay was broken in the first place. I find it extremely juvenile in story and dialogue, but it fun as in re-watching all those He-Man or Transformer episodes. Thank some deity or Joe Pesci that there are modders for the gameplay though.


"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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