Dark_Raven Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Linky. More can be found by reading the Cylindrical Scrolls, printed in Dragon Magazine a while back. (Copyright law prevents their inclusion here.) 1 Acid Trip 2 Affect Abnormal Fires 3 Affect Normal Foyers 4 Air Breathing (land-dwellers only) 5 Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air) 6 Airy Air 7 Alamir's Freeway Breakdown 8 Alamir's Fundamental Theorem 9 Algorithm I-III 10 Anger God 11 Animate Bread 12 Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?) 13 Anti-Magic Eggshell 14 Anti-Magic Magic Missle 15 Anti-Magic Magic Mouth 16 Antipathy Orb 17 Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety) 18 Auditable Glamour 19 Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii 20 Bad Lighting 21 Badly Programmed Illusion 22 Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self) 23 Bigby's Assertive Finger 24 Bigby's Clenched Teeth 25 Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand 26 Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus) 27 Bigby's Groping Hand 28 Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand 29 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent) 30 Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand 31 Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands 32 Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand 33 Black & White Spray 34 Blind Self 35 Bold Monster 36 Bookworm Blast 37 Break-Wind Wall 38 Break the Wind 39 Bubbling Rainstorm 40 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch) 41 Can Trip (And does!) 42 Change Elf 43 Charm Dead 44 Charm Friends 45 Charm Groupie 46 Charm Potted Plants 47 Charm Self 48 Charm Undead (X rated version) 49 Cheeseball 50 Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen) 51 Clause of the Lawyer 52 Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence) 53 Clone Undead 54 Clown 55 Color Safe Spray 56 Compulsive Disorder 57 Cone of Bubbles 58 Conjure Emmenthaler 59 Contact This Plane 60 Continual Bad Lighting 61 Continual Right (a political spell) 62 Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only) 63 Control Feather 64 Copyright Shroud 65 Crass Suggestion 66 Create Coat Hanger 67 Cure Animal Hide 68 Cure Light Winds 69 Cure Smoked Ham 70 Cure STD 71 Current Life 72 Cylons, 10' Radius 73 Cymbal 74 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm) 75 Darkness, 15 micron radius 76 Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight) 77 Deathwish 78 Deeppocket Lint 79 Delayed Blast Cantrip 80 Delayed Blast Flatulence 81 Delayed Blast Spitball 82 Demand Blindness 83 Demi-Shadow Puppets 84 Deny Reality 85 Detect Crying 86 Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...) 87 Detect Detect Spells 88 Detect Hound 89 Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5') 90 Detect Pervert 91 Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits 92 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself) 93 Detect Strikes and Spares 94 Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!) 95 Detect Unseen Butler 96 Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that) 97 Detect Weevil 98 Detect Wind 99 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...) 100 Dimension Doorknob 101 Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians 102 Dispurse Self 103 Doug 104 Doug's Generic Spell 105 Drain Vaccuum 106 Draw Upon Religious Right 107 Drawmij's Court Summons 108 Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix 109 Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup) 110 Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...) 111 Earthly Chorus 112 Enchanted Toothpick 113 Enlightening Bolt 114 Enrage Dragon 115 ESPN 116 Ethertalk 117 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0) 118 Evard's Black Testicles 119 Evard's Blue Testicles 120 Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar) 121 Explosive Friends 122 Extension Cord I, II, and III 123 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds) 124 Face Grasp 125 Fear of Sunmotes 126 Feather Brain 127 Feather Flail 128 Feign Life (as if the caster has one) 129 Feign Orgasm 130 Find Acquaintance 131 Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face) 132 Find Hand 133 Finger of Near-Fatal Injury 134 Finger of Plead 135 Fire Alarm 136 Fire Rap 137 Fire Stick 138 Fireball (reversed) 139 Fiscal Projection 140 Fist of Flesh 141 Fleshskin (range: self) 142 Fool's Lead 143 Foresee Unseen Butler 144 Forget Spells (area: self) 145 Forehead 146 Foreskin 147 Fourier's Transformation 148 Furball 149 Furry Fire 150 Gaze at Reflection 151 Geese 152 Get Flu 153 Get Life 154 Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant) 155 Globe of Vulnerability 156 Grate 157 Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee) 158 Guess Alignment 159 Hair Extension I, II, III 160 Hallucinatory Escape 161 Hallucinatory Train 162 Hand of Skin 163 Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg) 164 Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat) 165 Heel 166 Hold Bladder 167 Hold Mustard 168 Hold Self 169 Hornung's Gas 170 Hornung's Police Dispatcher 171 Housefly 172 Hug Self 173 Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions) 174 Illusionary Crypt 175 Iggy's Invisible Illusion 176 Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18) 177 Implosive Runes 178 Impress Plants 179 Improper Suggestion 180 Indirection (address register postincrement) 181 Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number) 182 Insect Plague, 5' Radius 183 Integrate (reversible, Differentiate) 184 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects 185 Invisibility to Dead 186 Invisible Talker 187 Irritate Self 188 Kender Summoning I, II, III 189 Kitchen Sink 190 Knock Knock 191 Know Own Alignment 192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...) 193 Kooshball 194 Legend Bore 195 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix 196 Leomund's Condemned Shelter 197 Leomund's Grass Hut 198 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter 199 Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter 200 Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity 201 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box 202 Leomund's Tap 203 Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter 204 Level Water 205 Lightning Blot 206 Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off) 207 Limited Wash 208 Locate Right Hand 209 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location) 210 Locate Tongue (requires verbal component) 211 Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard) 212 Lorloveim's Shady Deal 213 Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!) 214 Lower Cholesterol Level 215 Lower Inhibitions 216 Maggot Missle 217 Magic Boomeranging Missile 218 Magic Gristle 219 Magic Jar-Jar 220 Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet) 221 Magic Moth 222 Magic Orifice 223 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar) 224 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...") 225 Maize 226 Matrix Addition 227 Mauve Earth 228 Meld, Canasta Version 229 Melf's Acid Bow 230 Melf's Acid Trip 231 Melf's Minute Rice 232 Melodramatic Phantom Defenders 233 Memorize Spell 234 Meteor Swan 235 Micrometeorite Storm 236 Mildly Surprising Grasp 237 Minor Delousing 238 Mistaken Identify 239 Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore) 240 Moaning Spirit 241 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound 242 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg) 243 Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled) 244 Mordenkainen's Bored Cat 245 Mordenkainen's Celery 246 Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?) 247 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito 248 Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction 249 Mordenkainen's Lubrication 250 Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter 251 Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife 252 Move Venus 253 Muenster Summoning I-VII 254 Murder Darkness 255 Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "Butterball") 256 Murdock's Feathery Pillow 257 Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot) 258 No Time 259 No Vacancy 260 Nystul's Undetectible Aura 261 Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere 262 Otiluke's Resilient Ear 263 Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere 264 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck 265 Otto's Resistable Dance 266 Paraphrase Magic 267 Part Hair 268 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell) 269 Penultimate Fall 270 Phantasmal Fork 271 Phantasmal Morse 272 Phantasmal Thriller 273 Plane XOR 274 Polymorph Mother 275 Power Word Missing 276 Power Word, NO! 277 Power Word, Noogie 278 Power Word, Puke 279 Power Word, Pun 280 Power Word, Smirk 281 Power Word, Spam 282 Power Word, Wedgie 283 Protection from Catnips 284 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius 285 Protection from Evil Knievel 286 Protection from Halitosis 287 Protection from Normal Air 288 Protection from Normal Missals 289 Protection from Normal Oxygen 290 Protection from Normal Pillows 291 Protection from Self 292 Protection from Weevil 293 Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?) 294 Purge Memory 295 Putrefy Offal 296 Rainbow Enhancer 297 Random Casualty 298 Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells) 299 Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things) 300 Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self) 301 Read Common 302 Rectum of Retention 303 Reincarnation Door 304 Remove Hand (yours) 305 Remove Minus Sign (reversible) 306 Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!") 307 Remove Reality 308 Remove Self 309 Remove Strong Language 310 Reservation 311 Rest Erection 312 Resurrect Living 313 Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell) 314 Reverse Graffiti 315 Rice Storm 316 Rock Summoning I 317 Sepia Cake Sigil 318 Serten's Smell Immunity 319 Sheepskin 320 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion) 321 Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius 322 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer) 323 SmorgasMorph 324 Soap-on-a-Rope Trick 325 Solid Frog 326 Speak With Boring Monsters 327 Speak With Dead Plants 328 Speak With Grateful Dead 329 Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string) 330 Speak With Mud 331 Speak With Self 332 Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell) 333 Summon Allergy 334 Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster) 335 Summon Self 336 Swift Envelope 337 Tape Mount 338 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter 339 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder 340 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter (a.k.a. ST:TNG's "Sela") 341 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls 342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence 343 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture 344 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand 345 Tax Avoidance 346 Taunt a Second Time 347 Teleport Environment 348 Teleport With Lots of Errors 349 Teleport Without Destination 350 Teleport Without Terror 351 Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk 352 Tenser's Floating Point 353 Tenser's Formatted Disk 354 Tenser's Gloating Disk 355 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!) 356 Tenser's Slipped Disk 357 Tenser's Deadly Resurrection 358 Tensor Transformations 359 This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory) 360 Time Start 361 Tonguetwister Change 362 Tons 363 Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell) 364 Transmute Friends to Enemies 365 Transmute Head to Butt 366 Transmute RGB to HSV 367 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible) 368 Transmute Rock to Jazz 369 Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish) 370 Turn Friends Into Enemies 371 Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment) 372 Undefined Symbol 373 Unenlightening Bolt 374 Unheard Servant 375 Unscented Cloud 376 Unseen Manservant 377 Unseen Pervert 378 Unseen Sympathy 379 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls) 380 Vampiric Crutch 381 Varnish 382 Visible Stalker 383 Walk 384 Wall of Dog 385 Wall of Horse 386 Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer 387 Wall of Normal Air 388 Wall of Paper 389 Wall of Velcro 390 Waste 391 Wink 392 Wizard Eyebrow 393 Wizard Lick 394 Wizard Nostril 395 Wizard Stain 396 You Wish! 397 ZX-Spectral Force Hades was the life of the party. RIP You'll be missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tale Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 101, you say? "Show me a man who "plays fair" and I'll show you a very talented cheater." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gfted1 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 27 Bigby's Groping Hand "I'm your biggest fan, Ill follow you until you love me, Papa" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosbjerg Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 215 Lower Inhibitions That could come in handy.. Fortune favors the bald. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sand Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 215 Lower Inhibitions That could come in handy.. Its often used with the Enchantment/Charm variation of the Mount spell. Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer. @\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?" Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy." Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lare Kikkeli Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 so did you nerds actually read all of them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blank Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 You didn't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metadigital Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I think someone can't count. And number seventy is definitely worth memorizing. OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sand Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Especially in some campaigns that would cure lycanthropy. Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer. @\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?" Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy." Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blank Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 103 Doug ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark_Raven Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 1 Acid Trip Like totally dude! 114 Enrage Dragon That's a smart one. 129 Feign Orgasm O RLY? 230 Melf's Acid Trip Better than the first one dude! 231 Melf's Minute Rice Dinner is served! 242 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg) LOLZ Hades was the life of the party. RIP You'll be missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purgatorio Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 377 Unseen Pervert 6 Airy Air 380 Vampiric Crutch 342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence 322 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer) 302 Rectum of Retention 192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...) S.A.S.I.S.P.G.M.D.G.S.M.B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCrimson Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 The post title was catchy - I clicked. #302 is priceless... “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Moth Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 (edited) 137 Fire Stick 311 Rest Erection Might come in handy for some of us. 103 Doug ? Summons cartoon character to fight for you. Edited February 18, 2007 by Dark Moth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walsingham Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 What? No 'zone of cabbages'? How about 'suspicious sandwich'? Or 'stupendous woodlouse'? "It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"." -Elwood Blues tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelfiredragon Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 342 hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha twisted Strength through Mercy Head Torturor of the Cult of the Anti-gnome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tale Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 After reading the list completely, not only are there more than 101, many of them are very much worth memorizing. "Show me a man who "plays fair" and I'll show you a very talented cheater." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelfiredragon Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence on the otherhand, this along with the permanant spell feat and the wall of force spell you could make a dinger of a stink trap Strength through Mercy Head Torturor of the Cult of the Anti-gnome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepixiesrock Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Do you guys really find these funny? Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdangerOne billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walsingham Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Do you guys really find these funny? Most of them aren't. "It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"." -Elwood Blues tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sand Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 (edited) Some can be useful... Someone needs to actually write all these spells out in 3.5e standard. :D Pixie Stick, I charge you with this task for only you have the ability to bring such inane happenstance to life, and make it somewhat humorous. Edited February 19, 2007 by Sand Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer. @\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?" Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy." Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metadigital Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 No more spamming. OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jorian Drake Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 hmm 'Command: Hug Self' :devil: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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