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scenes that would of never been put into kotor


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lets make up hilarious cutscenes that would of never been in kotor 1/2

 

ive got a few

 

Kotor1 - how they could of crashed on the unknown planet

 

Carth is sleeping on the control pad

 

Revan - Hey arent you supposed to be driving that

 

Carth - (woken up now) its on auto pilot

 

Revan - ....this ship doesnt have autopilot

 

Carth - uh oh

 

(they crash)

 

 

Kotor 1 - The scene where revan enters Malaks chambers on the starforge

 

Revan starts hacking through the door with his saber

 

Revan - {psychoticly shouting} HERES REVAN!!!

 

 

Kotor 2 - After the ending

 

Atton - hey where was i?

 

exile - they cut alot of stuff out and you where supposed to be attacked by sion and some other cool stuff on the ravager and some other crap

 

atton - damn you obsidian

 

exile - dont blame them blame LA

 

atton - damn you los angeles

 

exile - no not that LA the one that made star wars

 

atton - oh....thank you lucasarts from saving me from the great pain sion would have brought upon me

 

 

Kotor 2 - a kreia/exile teaching scene

 

exile - hey kriea do you know everything?

 

kriea - well i know that a few thousand years in the future a deadly alien race called the yuzhan vong will take over the galaxy

 

exile - .......what?

 

kriea - you and i will never live to see it

 

 

Kotor 2 - a conversasion between go-to and exile

 

exile - hey goto for a character you sure do suck

 

go-to - i could blow up right now but you are to good an employee to kill

 

exile - since when did you become my boss?

 

 

a scene for a later kotor game - revan returns and heads to carths ship

 

revan - hey can i use your bathroom

 

carth - hi revan where ya been

 

revan - shut up you whiny little **** and let me use your bathroom

 

carth - ok then but im not sure i should trust you because i shouldnt trust people because trusting is bad and blah blah blah more whiny ****

 

revan - ( elecrotutes carth) now shut the **** up while i go to the bathroom

 

you make up more

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cute ^

 

Revan to HK:

R: Are your assassination protcols fully functional yet?

HK: Yes Master, I do believe they are

R: I need a vacation, I'm going to stay here and sunbathe - you go terminate the 'original meatbag'

HK: :ermm:

 

Bastila to Revan:

B: You fool, you could have been the Dark Lord! Malak was right about you!

R: Been there, done that. You can only take over the galaxy so many times before it gets boring.

B: ...

R: Instead, I'm going to @@@ off and abandon you all regardless of the outcome of my choices

B: Bu-but master, we need you! *wail* who will I whine to and lecture about the darkside? Who will come to save me?!

R: T3

HK47: Commentary: It is not possible to destroy the master. It is suggested that you run while my blasters warm, meatbags.

Bastila to Revan: You are easily the vainest, most arrogant man I have ever met!

Canderous to Bastila: Insults? Maybe if your master had trained your lightsaber to be as quick as your tongue you could have escaped those Vulkars, you spoiled little Jedi princess!

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this has been done before (lines you wished your characters would have said or something like that....)

 

 

Anyway:

 

 

Atton and Exile are "hooking up power couplings" in the Ebon Hawk's dorms.

Kreia: Oh the indignity!

 

 

Mandalorian on the Ravager: Let's blow this thing and go home!

 

 

Bouncers break up the Twin Suns - Atton duel

 

 

Peragus miner to Coorta: We should call off collecting the bounty on the Jedi. She's too hot to kill...

 

 

Exile to Azkul, Vrook, and Adare: Can we just settle this over a game of Pazaak? The winner owns Dantooine?

The others: NO!

DAWUSS

 

 

Dawes ain't too bright. Hitting rock bottom is when you leave 2 tickets on the dash of your car, leave it unlocked hoping someone will steal them & when you come back, there are 4 tickets on your dashboard.
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Revan: Hey, I got two tickets to a Metalica concert. Want to go?

Bastila: Uh, noo.

Revan: Why not!? They cost me a fortune!

Bastila: I don't like Metalica! They are so ...violent!

Revan: Violent!? Metalica, violent!?

Bastila: Yes! Metalica is violent! It...it might ..uh..remind you of a few things!

(Marine Axiom)

Sweat Dries

Blood Clots

Bones Heal

SUCK IT UP!

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Jerry Springer Style for Handmaiden and Visas fighting over the Exile.

HK47: Commentary: It is not possible to destroy the master. It is suggested that you run while my blasters warm, meatbags.

Bastila to Revan: You are easily the vainest, most arrogant man I have ever met!

Canderous to Bastila: Insults? Maybe if your master had trained your lightsaber to be as quick as your tongue you could have escaped those Vulkars, you spoiled little Jedi princess!

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Malak-(dying voice)- I......am your..........twice removed........8th cousin........on my mothers side..........who was a twi'lek hooker, but she had as sister, who was concieved.

 

Revan-Uhhhhhhhh, could you repeat that?

 

Malak- Ugggg... (Dies)

 

Revan- Wait....HOLY CRAP! I'M RELATED TO THAT DIRTBAG?!?!?! And a Twi'lek? Well at least she was hott! :ermm:

 

Malak Force Ghost- No, actually she looked like Kreia.

 

Revan- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Edited by DarthVala

dragon113mq.jpg

 

"Great intelligence usually goes hand in hand with great stupdity."

 

Join The Sibilati!

-Sibilati retrorsum sibilamus

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Here is a scene I'd pay money to see: (written by yours truly in a moment of boredom.)

 

On the Endar Spire

HK47: Commentary: It is not possible to destroy the master. It is suggested that you run while my blasters warm, meatbags.

Bastila to Revan: You are easily the vainest, most arrogant man I have ever met!

Canderous to Bastila: Insults? Maybe if your master had trained your lightsaber to be as quick as your tongue you could have escaped those Vulkars, you spoiled little Jedi princess!

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A conversation between Kreia and the Exile at the end (if you were a guy!)

Exile: Did you love me?

Kreia: I loved you, I would have destroyed the galaxy for you. I love you more than that Handmaiden or Visas! Why settle for them when you could have me?!

Exile: Umm because I love <insert love interest's name here> and you are old..and nasty.

Kreia: Well too bad, you are stuck with me! I used the Force to make me pregnant with your baby! You are mine for 18 yrs now!!

Exile: *stabs himself with lightsaber*

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You guys are wirdoes.

 

That's the kindess thing anyone has ever said to me on these forums :):wub:;)

HK47: Commentary: It is not possible to destroy the master. It is suggested that you run while my blasters warm, meatbags.

Bastila to Revan: You are easily the vainest, most arrogant man I have ever met!

Canderous to Bastila: Insults? Maybe if your master had trained your lightsaber to be as quick as your tongue you could have escaped those Vulkars, you spoiled little Jedi princess!

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Carth to HK:

Carth: "Droid or not, when this is over, I'll see you get a medal"

HK: "Commentary: Only the master may present me with upgrades. Keep your meatbag medal or you will find it pinned through your heart."

Carth: "Mouthy droid..."

Revan: "I don't know, I rather like him."

Bastila: "Revan! Beware the darkside!"

Revan: "Sigh. Yes dear. I guess your screams would get annoying quickly, Carth. Sorry HK, another time."

HK: "Master, you are so cruel to deprive me of such pleasantries."

Carth: "Stupid droid."

 

~~~

 

Exile to Vogga the Hutt

E: [force persuade] You do not want me/Handmaiden/Mira to dance for you

V: I do not want you or your companions to dance for me

*Mira whispers in the Exile's ear*

E: [force persuade] Instead, you want to dance for us and lose ten pounds!

V: I want to dance fo- what?

E: [persuade] We're uh, trying out an experimental diet for which you hired us

V: <_<

E: [force persuade] You will pay us 500 credits for every pound you lose

Edited by Dyan

HK47: Commentary: It is not possible to destroy the master. It is suggested that you run while my blasters warm, meatbags.

Bastila to Revan: You are easily the vainest, most arrogant man I have ever met!

Canderous to Bastila: Insults? Maybe if your master had trained your lightsaber to be as quick as your tongue you could have escaped those Vulkars, you spoiled little Jedi princess!

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Exile to Vogga the Hutt

E: [force persuade] You do not want me/Handmaiden/Mira to dance for you

V: I do not want you or your companions to dance for me

*Mira whispers in the Exile's ear*

E: [force persuade] Instead, you want to dance for us and lose ten pounds!

V: I want to dance fo- what?

E: [persuade] We're uh, trying out an experimental diet for which you hired us

V:  <_<

E: [force persuade] You will pay us 500 credits for every pound you lose

 

Haha.. tha one made me laugh for like 10min.

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HK: Query: Should I kick the pitiful meatbag at the dock into space, Master?

Revan: But I am at the dock, and no one else is in here!!

HK: Statement: I know, 'Master'.

Revan: HK-47 !!! What are you doing!!?

HK: Evil laugh and statement: I'm HK-50

IB1OsQq.png

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HK47: So why have you voice-locked the navicomputer T4M4?

T4M4: *whips off his costume and shows Chuck Norris underneath* I will not let you get here the navicomputer!

HK47: WHA-CHUCK NORRIS?!

T4M4/Chuck Norris: *roundhouse kick to HK47's face*

HK47: Stupid..meatbag....

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Kotor 1 - Revan returns to his ship to find the gizka herd have vanished

 

R - hey uh whered the gizka go

 

Carth - we barbecued em

 

R - arent you going to whine now about how you didnt trust them

 

Carth - ...

 

Canderous - Gizka are tasty

 

R - you have any left

 

Canderous - well there was one left but HK shot it

 

R - why

 

HK - {Answer} Master these small green meatbags were quite a pestilence and i needed revenge

 

R - but it was already dead

 

HK - i just like shooting meatbags

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Revan:Of all the freakin spaceships in the whole galaxy you would think I would

steal the one with a washroom.... Damn I need to take a dump.....

 

(Bastila walks by him)(Revan tries to hide the fact he needs to take a dump)

 

Bastila:Revan what have you been doing you've been pacing for the last couple hours?

 

Revan:NOTHING... LEAVE ME ALONE...

 

Bastila:Fine, no need to get hostel.

 

(She leaves)

 

Revan:Where's T3, just a little work with my trusty old lightsabre and-

 

(Jolee walks in)

 

Jolee:And what?

 

Revan:Nothing, damn can't an uber powerful Jedi talk to himself now and then. Obi and Luke always did it.

 

Jolee:Okay... Um just wanted to tell you I used T3 as the can. Just couldn't wait and might I add if you need to go go before the wookie Muhahahahah!!!!cough- cough-cough

 

Revan:Where is Zaalbar I'm going to need toilet paper. :o

Edited by foxdez
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Guest The Architect

I posted this on the quotes topic but anyway...

 

Revan: Look if you ****in beat this padawan long enough, he'll tell you who started the god damn Coruscant fire now that don't necessarily make it ****en so! Come on man think! (Reservior Dogs)

 

(Revan ignites his lightsaber and looks into the mirror and says)

 

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who do the **** do you think you're talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok. (Taxi Driver)

 

(Revan is asking Master Vrook some questions on Dantooine...)

 

Revan: What does Darth Malak look like?

Vrook: What?

Revan: What planet you from?

Vrook: What?

Revan: What ain't no planet I ever heard of! Do they speak Galactic Basic in What?

Vrook: What?

Revan: Galactic Basic mother****er do you speak it!

Vrook: Yes!

Revan: Then you know what I'm saying!

Vrook: Yes!

Revan: Describe what Darth Malak looks like!

Vrook: What, I-?

Revan: (pointing his lightsaber) Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, mother****er. Say what one more goddamn time.

Vrook: He's bald...

Revan: Does he look like a bitch?

Vrook: What?

(Revan cuts off Master Vandar's head)

Revan: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?

Vrook: No!

Revan: Then why you try to **** him like a bitch, Vrook?

Vrook: I didn't.

Revan: Yes you did. Yes you did, Vrook. You tried to **** him. And Darth Malak don't like to be ****ed by anybody, except Carth Onasi.

 

(Pulp Fiction)

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