Clips from council complait letters

[Universal Soldier]

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has

fungus growing in it.

 

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just

can't

take it anymore.

 

3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

 

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt

my

knob off.

 

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he

put

his foot in the hole in his back passage.

 

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my

 

fence.

 

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.

I

think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

 

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the

wall.

 

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife

tripped

and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

 

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are

plain

filthy.

 

13.I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

 

14.The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is

cleared.

 

15.Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour

and

not fit to drink.

 

16.Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

 

17.I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at

6am

 

his c0ck wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

 

18.The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is

unsightly and dangerous.

 

19.Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a

third so

 

please send someone round to do something about it.

 

20.I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please

do

something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

 

21.Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy

my

wife.

 

22.I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but still

have

no satisfaction.

[jaguars4ever]

^_^

[Reveilled]

Hee hee. :D

 

But technically, there's nothing actually wrong with number 12. After all, if you had ten people, it'd be perfectly possible for 50% to be male, 50% to be English, and 50% to have brown eyes.

[The.Donut]

Hahaha, that made my day. Good job.