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The Five Secrets to a Perfect Relationship


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It wouldn't be fair to write a book about her without her permission. I wrote a poem about her. I've considered compiling a nice portfolio of said poetry and trying to get it published, but like the book, I wouldn't publish this without her permission. The poem isn't overtly angry nor flattering. It merely describes one particular moment we shared. Shortly after I told her I wouldn't marry her, we went out to a camp site for a Ren Faire she was working. While covered in sweat and dirt I reached out to her.

 

Feel free to criticize said poem if you so desire.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Parched

 

Blame it on the hot California sun

All that smog and radiation can't be good for the brain

But there I stood, like a silent shadow;

no longer did you hang off my every gesture,

nor reach for my hand at the hint of trepidation

Our arguments lay behind us;

our bed, our lives lay thrashed like some

heinous car wreck we were glad to walk away from

So, what was left to say really?

Logistics aside, I went from lover to stranger

and from there I would soon disappear

but that day there were errands to run

Life had to continue

 

We walked through the camp, dirty, sweaty and parched

We had suffered the freeways and failed air conditioners

What else was there to do?

The heat of a thousand suns would have been

a welcome respite

from 'our home'... our home

Such an odd thing to say now, despite those memories

of meals and moments shared together

We should have known when we fought over the decor

that our occasional bliss was, was...

It danced just beyond the horizon of my memories

like the heat induced madness I felt that moment

 

God, it wasn't fair!

You bent over to take a sip of water from the spigot

and I was caught unaware

You claimed to be surprised by the gesture

but really, I was France and you were the Howitzer

I watched your hair fall to the side of your face

like napalm falling on Dresden

Sweat, filth and ichor could not mar the f***ing

undeniable power your every gesture command over me

So as I reached out to wash you in cool water

I thought nothing of repercussions

I did not look back to the masochistic struggles of

months past to sever the ties that bound us

We could not simply accept our inability to have

a 'healthy relationship'

 

I hacked at the problems, and hacked at your

clinging grasp like a madman severing an infected limb

Now that the pain was behind us, and 'separation' achieved,

my defenses fell like the mighty walls of Jericho

I was powerless in your presence

 

I thought only of you as I draped the water across the

nape of your neck

Perhaps it was rare that I touched you thusly,

even in our moments of lovemaking

I looked back and saw that childlike awe and excitement

as you realized again that you were mine

 

How cruel could I be, to let that seep through?

Your flesh was bare, but that was nothing new

It was the core my clich

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D was one of the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on.  Even in SoCal, the land of beautiful women, she was the one everyone stared at.  She was rich, intelligent, funny, and crazy about me.  She was also a great roleplayer, and a gamer-geek chick.  What was not to love?

 

She also once attacked me with a corkscrew because she wanted to know what it would look like "in" me.  She was convinced she had this stalker who called her anytime I left the house to go to work.  She was scared to death.  She showed me notes (not in her handwriting) threatening her.  I called the police and the phone company.  There were no phone calls.

 

Said stalker supposedly followed her around the state and the country for nearly 10 years.  D once drove her car into a wall to see what it would be like.  She was also 100% dependent on me emotionally.  She isolated herself from her family which meant the world to her.  She transferred schools, and focused her entire life on me.  I was very fortunate to have such a wonderful woman crazy about me, but it took on an unhealthy level.

 

I loved her, and under certain circumstances would have gladly married her.  She wasn't healthy, and the relationship wasn't healthy.  I told her that I couldn't marry her until a few things changed.  She moved out, and never spoke to me again.

After reading all that may I propose she was deeply traumetized as a child? :lol:

 

I mean seriously, my mom was an incest victim and she wasn't as f***ed up in the head as all that sweet Jesus! :ph34r:

 

Thank god you never married her, that's a codependent psychopath if I've never heard one described before!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As to myself, I have so many psychological disorders diagnosed and undiagnosed I'll be lucky if I can ever find someone who'll put up with me.....I'm sure that she's out there somewhere.....only I have to wonder if it isn't someone like the above described 'D'. :p

 

I do have a couple things going for me, namely, I'm a goody goody as far as social graces go, I have to say that I'm pretty sure I could perform well in bed, as I know more about sex through research than most of my well laid friends even though I'm still a virgin. I actually LIKE to go shopping, as well as pick out clothes, whether they're for myself or a female acquantaince, I could do it all day. I like chick flicks, though I draw the line at enjoying daytime soaps, though am willing to put up with them if I have to. I am loving, caring individual, and am a true romantic at heart. Best thing is though, I don't give a crap what the girl I fall in love with looks like, all I care about is personality and brains. If I can't communicate with a gal on an intellectual level, the relationship is doomed from the get go.

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I do have a couple things going for me, namely, I'm a goody goody as far as social graces go, I have to say that I'm pretty sure I could perform well in bed, as I know more about sex through research than most of my well laid friends even though I'm still a virgin.

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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I do have a couple things going for me, namely, I'm a goody goody as far as social graces go, I have to say that I'm pretty sure I could perform well in bed, as I know more about sex through research than most of my well laid friends even though I'm still a virgin.
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I do not have such a tale... I can't tell if I am fortunate or not (even a negative experience gives you some xps worth making you level up... :lol: )... Sorry for goofing around but this is just the way I am...

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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I don't know either ramza. I do know that the media like to portray an image of everyone first having sex when they're between 16-18, and anyone older than that being a freak if they're still a virgin. Which is quite frankly rubbish, I know loads of people who are in their 20s, 30s, even a few in their 40s who have never had a girlfriend (yes, these people are inevitably male, it's the sad way our society is structured), and they're the nicest people I've ever met. Not sure if that's what you meant, but anyway.

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Actually, I was meaning that I never had a "love gone wrong", which means that I never had a relationship that ended in a sad way... my relationships haven't lasted long enough to make me really feel commited to my gfs... and anyway, I feel more angry than sad when I get dumped... :lol:

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP

 

 

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who

cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

 

It also helps that the man helps with these same things...and oh we should have a job too...I say this b/c I know some that don't.

 

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

 

The converse again is just as necessary.

 

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who

doesn't lie to you.

 

Again has to go both ways.

 

4. It's important to have a woman who cares you always and

whom you like to be with when you are alone

 

The alone wording is off...we all need some time to ourselves..but your mate should be the one who you can always turn to so you don't have to be alone.

 

 

And the most important one....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. It's very, very important that these women dont meet.

As to the 5th. Personally I don't care if they meet...it's funny to see my wife get her back up wondering if someone's gonna try and snatch me away :) If she ever reads this I am sooo dead, hee hee...but I like to live on the edge...heck I'm not completely sitting on my chair even now!

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I don't know either ramza. I do know that the media like to portray an image of everyone first having sex when they're between 16-18, and anyone older than that being a freak if they're still a virgin. Which is quite frankly rubbish, I know loads of people who are in their 20s, 30s, even a few in their 40s who have never had a girlfriend (yes, these people are inevitably male, it's the sad way our society is structured), and they're the nicest people I've ever met. Not sure if that's what you meant, but anyway.

I think it's odd to contrast some of the lengthier relationships I've been in. (Mind you, I haven't really been single in the past 12 years).

 

My highschool relationship that lasted two years was all about sex and drama. All we did was have sex, all the time. Then she cheated on me constantly. I often wondered if she was a border-line nympho.

 

Then I dated a girl for four years that is a virgin to this day. We're still best friends, and we've always been very close. But she's got hang-ups about sex. I was very patient and understanding.

 

Then I date D. We have both a very strong emotional and physical relationship. Yet there were definately some issues there.

 

Now I'm living with a girl in a very healthy, mature, considerate relationship. It lacks the emotional and physical intensity of past relationships, but it's also considerably more healthy.

 

Occasionally I wonder what might have happened if I met other women later in life when I was more prepared for a healthier relationship. However, all I can do is try to focus on the relationship I have. No person is perfect. What matters is how I feel about the person I'm with. You just try to be accepting, considerate and compassionate.

 

Or you can believe that relationships are the dressing that we build around our primal desires to have wild monkey sex.

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4 years? that's not patient... that's disturbing.

 

taks

So many other aspects of the relationship were so fufilling that sex didn't mean as much. If I'm really happy with a person, and I can fall back upon the good ol' five-knuckle-shuffle then why should sex matter?

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3. Trust

 

Relationships are about accepting each other for who you are. If you're not honest and yourself, how can they ever know you let alone accept you? Reciprocally, you need to trust someone completely.

How could I forget Trust! Relationships revolve around it. If you don't trust someone, then you are not going to have a good relationship.

My baby girl arrived 6/16/06!

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I'm sorry honey.  Were you saying something?  I was busy watching Baywatch.

I thought that TV show had disappeared... I never liked it anyway... The same way I don't like ANY TV shows: they are all crap.

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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I avoid TV predominately.

 

I must confess to having a guilty pleasure, and it's Alias. But I won't schedule my life around the TV, so I wait for the DVD sets to come out and watch the whole season in two days.

 

I've never seen an episode of Friends, ER, Seinfeld, or many of the shows everyone worships. I've seen five minutes here and there in other people's living rooms. TV rarely grabs me. Plots are predictable. Acting is horrible. Everything is formulaic and predictable.

 

I stick to books and film.

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Most of my friends worship those two shows.

 

The few episodes I've seen walk a fine line between drama and camp.

 

Everyone tells me about this wonderful moving story archs. Yet the show doesn't take itself seriously at times. I don't care for them.

 

However the silent episode "Hush" and the musical episode, "Once More With Feeling" were nothing short of brilliant.

 

(Most of friends have all the DVD sets)

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I don't know either ramza. I do know that the media like to portray an image of everyone first having sex when they're between 16-18, and anyone older than that being a freak if they're still a virgin. Which is quite frankly rubbish, I know loads of people who are in their 20s, 30s, even a few in their 40s who have never had a girlfriend (yes, these people are inevitably male, it's the sad way our society is structured), and they're the nicest people I've ever met. Not sure if that's what you meant, but anyway.

It's true that the media tend to do this. Here, in France I have watched documentaries in which they presented virgin girls as a rare phenomenon... They showed a 32 year old woman and another one that was 27 years old... The latter was saying that she waited for the right time to do it, and the other was saying that she was afraid of men because they are so gullible ( :huh: ). Anyway, I couldn't understand that. "So what? What's wrong with it?" I told to myself... Everyone should be free to choose when they will lose their virginity and I really respect people who prefer the path of abstinence to the "slutty path"... I respect them even more if there are convictions or some kind of ideologies ebhind this abstinence.

 

You say that those people who never had a girlfriend are inevitably male... Why do you say that? I know a lot of women (some of my mother's acquaintances) who never had a relationships in their lives.

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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We've all got our guilty pleasures *cough* Buffy/Angel *cough* - and it's perfectly ok...right? Right? Tell me it's ok. PLEASE.

I have only watched the last episodes of Buffy since I wanted to know how the story would end... otherwise, I hate that show and the cameramen are suckers at the job, the camera is never stable... There are a lot of other mistakes concerning the scenario or the way they produce the series and I really ca't forgive this... The only positive part is that there are a lot of chicks! :huh:

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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